


Tell Me Where You Are

by Nizhoni93



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Best Friends, Bisexual Alex Standall, Bisexual Justin Foley, Bromance, Brotherhood, Bryce Walker is Toxic, But he has a long road ahead of him, But it's pretty complicated, Childhood Trauma, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Epic Friendship, Everyone Is Alive, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Healing, Hurt Justin Foley, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Justin Foley Needs a Hug, Justin doesn't get sick or die, Justin/Alex Centric, M/M, No Tapes, Protective Alex Standall, Protective Clay Jensen, Sad and Happy, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem Issues, what if...
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:07:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29828841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nizhoni93/pseuds/Nizhoni93
Summary: Justin doesn’t think he'll ever really fit in anywhere; perhaps he’ll always have a foot in both worlds. But ever since Bryce offered him a slice of happiness, it seemed only fair Justin be the one to pay it forward, by carrying the weight of not just his own mistakes on his shoulders, but Bryce's also. To bear the brunt of his friend's worst parts and make room for the all the good he knows he has deep down in his heart.OR// Justin learns what it's meant to be loved the right way and those who come along to teach him how.(Alex/Justin centric)
Relationships: Jessica Davis/Justin Foley, Justin Foley & Bryce Walker, Justin Foley & Clay Jensen, Justin Foley/Alex Standall
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Tell Me Where You Are

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all, I'll be honest I've sort of fallen off the 13 Reasons Why fandom mainly because Justin has always been a character that resonated with me and his fate in season 4 has never sit well. As such a layered and tragic character, there was so much to be told about his upbringing, his relationships and his own self-acceptance and that exactly what I want to uncover in this story. 
> 
> Some things to note:
> 
> 1\. While this story is rendered in the 13 Reasons fandom, it will be a completely original coming of age story focused primarily on Justin and his growth, finding love and self-acceptance along the way. While I'll still touch upon aspects of the show, the tapes do not exist. No one is dead and no one will die. There is always help out there, and I want this story to reflect that. 
> 
> 2\. This story is going to touch upon the many relationships in Justin's life but I'd like to focus on three relationships in particular. Primarily this is a Justin/Alex centric story, and yes it is a SLOW BURN but as the story progresses, I think you'll really enjoy their adorable little journey. Justin & Clay will of course have their epic bromance and Bryce, as toxic as he may be is an integral part of Justin's arc and is a also a huge part of who he is and who he becomes. 
> 
> 3\. TRIGGER WARNING: As we all know, 13 Reasons touches upon some extremely serious issues, particularly in regards to sexual assault and child abuse. I don't plan to shy away from this part of Justin's story, but I will say now that in no way do I accept or condone any non-consensual or violent acts against anyone EVER. This story is not meant to glorify the horrors of abuse, but rather bring awareness to the reality of Justin's suffering, but more importantly his healing. And YES he will heal, because he deserves too, like every victim of abuse does. That said, this story WILL NOT include explicit assault scenes, but I will still include trigger warnings in any chapters that need them. Please heed the tags and read any trigger warnings before each chapter to protect yourselves before you proceed. 
> 
> I think that's about it friends, I really hope you enjoy the first part of this story and thanks for joining me on this ride!

He'd always felt like he was being pulled in opposite directions, as if there were this eternal battle being waged by invisible forces inside him. Not speaking of the kind of guys you'd see in the cartoons. _You know..._ the evil dude dressed like a devil and whispering sins in your ear on one shoulder, and the angel on the other side, _placating_ , boasting morals on the other. These forces Justin's talking about, they weren't so clear cut, so asinine and one-dimensional. Guess you could say his shit was a lot more complicated than most people's shit. Okay so that sounds sort of gross, but you get the idea right? Or maybe you don't. To be completely honest, Justin isn't so good at explaining himself.

Thing is, it felt like he were a puppet on strings. Being tugged this way and that, wanting to make the right choices, but compelled to do otherwise. Like if you'd asked Justin what it was like to be alive, he'd probably say he doesn't know. He just wants to survive. Most kids his age, they don't think about stuff like that because _well_...they've never known the difference. Or they'd never had to. To survive and be alive was pretty much as synonymous as PB&J. They'd have shelter, and be clean clothed and help themselves to the plunders of a fridge without a padlock on it (courtesy of his mom's new boyfriend, Craig) and not have to squirrel scraps from their friends' lunches.

Speaking of...Justin snags some fries from Zach's plate when he’s not looking. Pockets them in his jeans before anyone can notice. He's the fucking master at squirrelling. Ever since he'd learned fingers were made for grabbing and not just poking shit into oblivion.

He wonders what it's like, to have the freedom to enjoy, to play to be alive without the drag of survival. He wants to be good, but how can he when he needs to eat? When his mom sends him to the 7-Eleven down the street from their complex, with some crumpled bills and no question about how he plans to flip a measly few dollars into enough food to get them through the weekend. The five-finger discount is a lot easier to polish off when you're actually pretending to buy something. So he wears his baggiest jacket, with the extra pockets sewn into the seams from the inside. Literally the only 'mom' thing his mom knows how to do. And he spends like $3.85 on milk and bread, with enough leftover over for a small Slurpee but with the guilt and weight of a dozen or so non-perishables weighing him down. If the clerk, a trembly and kind eyed elderly man, ever notices the clanking cans coming from Justin's very lumpy torso, he doesn't say. But Justin thinks he knows. His eyes aren't just filled with kindness, there's pity there too. As painful and searing as the sun.

He hates pity. He hates the way his teacher Mrs. Newton decided it was okay to pet his hair this morning, whilst hovering over him to read his math equations. Of course he had to flinch like a pussy. He wishes the reason were her seriously wrinkled palms that were about as pleasant as being combed through by a Brillo pad. But that not why, _that's far from why_...but it's not like Justin was going to admit anything to her. Still she stared him down, knowing regardless. Eyes soft, yet interrogating. Shaking her head in silent concern.

That's how it always was with adults. Silent concern. If they had suspicions about what was going on at home, no one ever actually did anything about it. A rebellious little boy with a petty and violent streak of lashing out and throwing tantrums was not a little boy people chose to concern themselves with. A throwaway sympathy gaze was about as much investment as school councillors, and teachers and even his own mother wanted to offer.

So Justin lays down his expectations of what being 'alive' is meant to feel like. Some kids get Twinkies in their lunches. Justin licks the wrapper. He picks up the scraps and he gets by just fine that way, thank you very much. He doesn't make these choices; these choices are made for him— _by fate._ Fate as fickle as it is, has already decided a long time ago that Justin Foley would always remain a punk. It happens again and again and again. It's made each time his stomach growls and he's forced to slip on that big coat. It happens in the aisle of a thrift shop, as his mother flirts with some poor teenager with a red work vest and acne, as Justin hastily switches out his worn and grown out clothes for items on the wrack. It happened earlier today at Bryce's house, when his best friend's mother, Mrs. Walker, pulled him into the kitchen as the rest of his friends kept playing video games. Knelt before him and asked, "Justin honey..." It's the way she said his name, voice laced with a stern but gentle accusation, like a seriously messed up contradiction, that he already knew what this was about. "I'm missing some bracelets from my vanity, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?"

He knew a lot about missing bracelets. He knew they weren't just missing, they were smashed into a million pieces with a hammer and were buried behind the pool house. _Yeah, Bryce was that rich. He had a fucking house for his pool._

Justin didn't say anything at first and Mrs. Walker inadvertently squeezed her grip on him, her ruby painted nails digging into his arms. "I won't even be mad sweetheart, but those bracelets...they belonged to my mother, and they're extremely precious to me." Her eyes watery, seeming almost desperate, "I really need them back."

Justin squirmed a little under her scrutinize gaze, his stomach somersaulting to the floor. Bryce never mentioned what the bracelets meant to his mom. That she might actually miss them. Mrs. Walker was always wearing a ton of fancy jewellery, and those bracelets were old and ugly, and how was he supposed to know they were so special? He felt guilt slithering up his spine. He didn't like to see her sad, she was nice. She smelled like cinnamon rolls and made them even better! She'd taken care of him these past few days he'd been staying at the Walkers while his power was out and his mom was at Craig's.

He bit the pillowy cushion of his inner cheek and peeled some skin loose, chewing on it nervously, "I uhh...I don't know Mrs. Walker..." And her lip twitched slightly at the corner, her eyes hardening and making him wish he could shrink into the floor. "But I really hope you find them."

She swallowed and nodded, "Okay...okay then..." stood, sucked in a shallow breath and smoothed her hands over her skirt. Her tone was curt and impassive, as she peered down, "I know you've been struggling Justin, that you're still young and that means you'll make misguided decisions sometimes. But if you can't trust others and give them reason to trust you, you'll never learn from your mistakes." And then she made him stand in a corner and stare at a wall, _a fucking wall?_...leaving him alone to supposedly think about what he'd done.

_Or hadn't done._

Few minutes later, Bryce walks in and leans against the enemy wall, _his source of punishment._ Which to Justin, was pretty comical. What the hell was a belt buckle for when you had Periwinkle paint to offend the eye?

"Hey man...sorry about my mom, she can be a really bitch sometimes huh?"

"You really shouldn't call your mom a bitch," Justin says quietly, never averting his eyes. Mrs. Walker had handed him a punishment, so he was going to respect it.

Bryce clears his throat, gently kicks the toe of Justin's scuffed sneaker with his Reeboks. "Yeah well...thanks for covering for me Justy."

Justin feels his face heat up, tears prickling his eyes. He told Bryce not to steal the bracelets. He knew it was a bad idea but he hadn't stopped him. _Why hadn't he stopped him?_ Sometimes it just felt like Bryce could do no wrong. Sure, he had this explosive confidence, an unspoken sense of entitlement that was at it's worst times terrifying but at it's best, a source of pure, untouchable joy for Justin. Bryce got what he wanted and that usually meant Justin got to share in the spoils. Because Bryce Walker, his best friend in the whole world, was also the only person in his entire life that had ever wanted to share anything remotely special with Justin. Something Justin wasn't so sure he even deserved, but Bryce had offered him a taste of a better life regardless. He'd let Justin into his world and he'd treated him no different than anyone else. Not like Mrs. Walker who'd already assumed that of course, Justin was the one to blame.

The boy from the wrong side of the tracks was the perfect scapegoat. Mrs. Walker knew it. Bryce knew it. Justin knew it better than anyone and they were all okay with it. Well, Justin isn’t exactly okay with others thinking the worst of him, but by now he feels like a purely boneless boy, shaped by circumstance. He’d lived through most of his eight years believing that there was always a price to be had. _Strings attached._ But at least with Bryce pulling those strings, _being his puppeteer_ , he’d never fall victim to the errors of fate again. He could always rely on Bryce to never guide him astray, to watch his back and maybe that also meant he’d actually stand a chance.

So Justin bites back his tears, swiping them away with his shirtsleeve... _or Bryce's shirtsleeve._ Bryce's clothes are big on him, but they’re clean and colourful and soft. He quits hugging himself and lets Bryce hug him instead, breaks his gaze from the wall and stares into blue eyes that he'll never stop drowning in. Bryce's smiles are like the sun, angelic and bright and magnetic. Justin isn’t mad anymore.

Bryce reaches into his pocket and fishes around. Justin hears the satisfying crackle of a wrapper as he uncovers the snack, _Twinkies. Fucking Twinkies!_

"Mom says no snacks before dinner, but whatever...s'not like she'll ever know right?"

Justin looks around anxiously, isn’t sure...he’s already skating on thin ice.

Bryce rips open the pack and the familiar and delicious vanilla aroma floods Justin's nostrils. He can’t help it; his mouth already begins to salivate. On instinct he eyes the wrapper in expectation. Is surprised when Bryce presents the first log of cake to him, eyes practically bugging out of his sockets.

"Wha-what...?"

Bryce chuckles in that endearing but patronizing way he does, like he'll never get tired of Justin's innocent amazement at seemingly every little thing.

"Hey, what's mine is yours dude."

Slowly, bewildered...Justin reaches up with a shy smile, taking the Twinkie from him.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Always."

"Always."

Justin doesn’t think he'll ever really fit in anywhere; perhaps he’ll always have a foot in both worlds. But ever since Bryce offered him a slice of happiness, it seemed only fair Justin be the one to pay it forward, by carrying the weight of not just his own mistakes on his shoulders, but Bryce's also. To bear the brunt of his friends' worst parts, to make room for the all the good he knows he has deep down in his heart.

"Why'd you do it?" Justin asks Bryce around a mouthful of Twinkie, licking icing from the corner of his lip.

"Man, I hated those stupid things," Bryce says with a bitter little scoff, "She loved those bracelets more than me."

Justin's heart aches, he understands now. Sometimes, you just want to be loved by someone so much it hurts. You'd do practically anything to make them understand that.

He thinks about taking the blame, how much he hates himself for it, for being so weak. _But you know what? Fine. He can live with that._

If he hates himself so much that only means Bryce can love him more.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi again!! So what did you think of the prologue? Are you excited to see where this story goes? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do leave me a comment, kudos or bookmark and let me know your thoughts if you have time. I really do appreciate all your kind words and it will motivate me to continue writing if I know people are interested in reading more. Guess I'll see you on the next update! XOXO


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